I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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