so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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