I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize