btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
