Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
