I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
