awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
