Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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