How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize