; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize