my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I think I sprained my soul last night
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
