Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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