I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
