JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
