Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
