Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
