Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
