its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
