either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
