it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
