Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
