i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
