we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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