if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
