I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
