I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
