wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
