Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I made him laugh his dick is mine
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
