At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
