Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
