so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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