My brain says no but my pants say off.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
