Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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