I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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