how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
