Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
