The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
