Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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