Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
