hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
3pm strippers are depressing
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I had to cum in my sink.
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