as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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