would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
