Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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