I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
