Sponge bath it is.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
