you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
