So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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