and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
