Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
