I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I haven't been this sober since birth.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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