its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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