Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
