You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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