I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
