Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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