Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
