Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
