ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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