i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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