so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize