I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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