Midget sex pt 2 tonight
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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