textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
