You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
