he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
