your room smells of hookers.
And success
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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