I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I believe in your delicious
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