i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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