Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
